im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
