my phone cant type all the emotion im having
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
