i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
