My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
