did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
