So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
