you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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