M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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