We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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