Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
