Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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