I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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