I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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