a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
