Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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