This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
