So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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