Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
