Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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