Soap is not a condiment
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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