what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
