just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
