Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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