I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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