oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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