We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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