Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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