there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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