It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
