Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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