sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
