I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
