i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
