I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
