Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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