Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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