I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
