She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
