with your own penis?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
