that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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