i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
