please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
