When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Randomize
