she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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