Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
thus making me awesome and them whores
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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