We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
