His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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