On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
