this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You dont lie about slip and slides
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
