a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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