There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
