this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
