I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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