Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
