Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
