How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
