I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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