im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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