DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
