Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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