There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
