You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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