Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
