I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
