We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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