i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
