It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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