Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
