bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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