i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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