I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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