it was like his penis was on wheels.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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