You smell like stripper and shame
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
