Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
