I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
