I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
